Increase mental and emotional well-being. Let us feel miserable and unhappy!
86Do you wonder if I am happy and in balance and if I feel really good with my self and my life? Do I practise positive thinking? Absolutely! But not always and not all the time! I am also neurotic, anxious, nervous, sad, angry, uncertain, hopeless, miserable, unhappy and worried just like most people. And I have the right to be sad and feel all this other “negative feelings”. It is a vital part of my mental and emotional well-being!
At first I want to make clear that in this article I am not writing about depression or issues like that. This article is just about mentally healthy people even if I know there is a thin line between what is regarded as mentally healthy and not. Maybe there aren't any such people that can be regarded as mentally healthy! The reason for my statement is that this article is not in any way a treatment. It is just about a way to live life as a human being and have a good quality of life.
So lets continue…
Positive thinking isn´t
the same as happiness!
Eyes that do not cry do not see!
How to have a mental and emotional wellbeing
Isn't it funny or even odd how we build up ideas or images about our selves and others and make assumptions about how people around us live and feels. We think they have constant mental and emotional well-being! In the same way we also have imaginations about how we are supposed to live and feel. And a big part of the facade is to have a positive attitude and feel happy. The trouble with this idea of constant happiness comes when we compare this image (that isn't true) with our selves.
Imagine what would happen if we could stop that and instead realise that everybody is a bit weird or half crazy from time to time. And we are all right just as we are with all our faults and shortcomings and we don’t need to be happy all the time!
To feel bad, neurotic and unhappy or be angry now and then has become almost forbidden. It is like we try to wipe the negative feelings out of our lives and force our selves to behave and many use positive thinking as a cure to do that! We are constantly told to think positive and by doing so we will reach our goals; that attractive job, be thinner and become better looking and even healthier and most important, we will be happy and have a better quality of life! But is it that easy? Or should it be?
Positive thinking
We can learn to use positive thinking as well as other feelings as a way to choose how we want to see our reality. We have been almost brain washed with the “right and positive way” to think, but who can say what is the right way to think, and who can say that it is right to have positive thoughts and be happy all the time and in every circumstances.
It must be OK to feel angry, depressed and miserable now and then. To withdraw one self from others totally and be allowed to mope around the house and be unhappy! To sink deep in crying and tears, to curse, to swear, to hit something or just wonder over life. At least for one day or a couple of days! After a while we will again wake up one day in admiration over the beauty and good that exists around us. And we will feel amazed over the gift it is to wake up to yet another day in this peculiar world.
Positive thinking doesn't mean that we can skip or block feelings like grief or anger. Positive thinking is more about the ability to see the opportunities instead of the obstacles and to take responsibility for our selves and what happen to us.
To go against nature and try and feel happy on a day or in a situation where you are sad or angry is totally meaningless and I think it only takes away focus from the solution to the problem. You can’t solve a situation like that with positive thinking and we can´t solve everything with positive thinking. Sometimes a more realistic approach will be more beneficial.
Anger
Anger is a natural emotion that everybody feels now and then. It is a response to an external threat that can be mentally or physically! We use anger to say no!
Sadness
Sadness is vital in order to be able to feel empathy and be in connection with our feelings!
Fear
Is our answer to danger and is vital for our own protection.
Positive thinking isn’t the same as happiness!
It is a myth that we must feel happy and have positive thoughts all the time in order to be successful and get what we want. And what happens on the inevitable day when we don’t feel happy? Then we regard our self as a failure and/or an unhappy person. In some way we have connected happiness to be the same as positive thinking. And that can´t bee right! If humans where supposed to be happy all the time I imagine that our mouths would have been constant smiling and unable to point downwards!
But our mouths are not naturally stiff and pointing upwards. Instead our mouth and our faces have the possibility to show all kinds of emotions. It is coordination between our mouth, our eyes, eyebrows and face as a whole that shows the great palette of emotions possible for humans.
We communicate with the aid of our faces and I am getting pretty tired of seeing always smiling and seemingly happy people! When I talk to these always smiling persons with stiff smiles there is no joy in their eyes. Sometimes the eyes show the opposite really. And I know that they have fallen into the positive and happiness trap with no clue of why they feel so miserable.
The brain wash of our minds with positive thinking has almost made us believe that if we just think positive everything will be al right and turn out well. And when something bad happens to us or if we become ill we tend to see it like a failure. But it isn´t!
It is just life happening around us!
How to use positive thinking
We need some realistic thoughts, some action, anger, sadness and all kinds of emotions to solve our problems. If we use all our emotions we are more likely to solve problems and see a way out of our problems. That is positive thinking! After you have solved them you can smile again. Not ignore the problem as something that has struck us because we where not positive enough!
Bad things, or life it selves, happens to everybody! The only difference is that those who have a positive view of live knows that after bad times comes good times! That is what we can benefit from having positive thoughts and a positive philosophy about life. It is healthy to have positive thoughts when it is possible to see the possibilities instead of the obstacles.
When we deal with problems and learn to distinguish the things that build and develop us from the things that breaks us we increase our quality of life. If we can use all our emotions we will have mental wellbeing as well as emotional wellbeing.
You can’t expect problems to sort them selves just with the aid of positive thinking and a smile on your face. What we can do is to use all our emotions and try to solve the problems. If that means you have to feel miserable, cry or hit something for several days; so be it!
We must stop to use positive thinking as the only way to happiness. We need the other emotions as well. If you need help to feel miserable and unhappy you can use these videos. They will help you!
- Nurture Your Occasional Negativity
Why has it become so unfashionable to EVER think negatively? Isn't it okay sometimes? Aren't we all humans, that need to DEAL with our emotions, as opposed to repress them, and pretend they don't exist?
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Hi Susan, and I am glad you agree with me on this! Even though those days when we are angry, sad or depressed are difficult we must allow us to have such days too! Sometimes we look for happiness so heard that we forget how to be human:) Thanks for reading and I wish you a great weekend!
Tina
You bring up good points. I never thought of it that way. Thank you for the insight.
Interesting subject, particularly at this time of year when a lot of people put a "happy" face on as that's what expected of them at a "Festive" time, their own feelings get submerged due to social pressure/expectation to be "happy".
Well done, thoughtforce, on tackling such a topic.
I think we should have a GRUMPY day each month where we can wear a scowl. I think today's fast pace has given us no time to reflect. "what is happiness and what makes us smile id different for each one of us.!" I am with you. We are human. We have emotions. We can't be happy 24/7.
Think you might be onto something there, alphagirl ~ modern life is such, that being less than 'happy' is unthinkable. Perhaps that 'grumpy day' could extend to one week of each month to give everyone more time for reflection on their life and what makes them truly happy ?
An excellent article Tina, I have bookmarked as I know I will want to read again. It's good to know we all have these feelings.
Voted up, best wishes MM
Hi OMGirdle, it is so nice to meet you! Positive thinking is a great way if it is used in the right way and if it is practised from the heart. Otherwise it can feel like a burden instead. Thanks for reading,
Tina
Hi Rob Hanlon, Yes, you are so right! This time of year the stores and the shops are full of people with fixed smiles. No one wants to feel unhappy in Christmas time so everyone put on a happy face and do what is expected. And there is so high expectations even if it shouldn't be. Christmas will come anyway even if we don't have everything ”right”. In some way we have created a world that isn't suitable for humans! Thanks for your comment Rob!
Tina
Alphagirl, what a great idea, we really should! We are so busy and we plan everything in our lives so we should take the opportunity to be grumpy when we feel so! I notice that I have such days and it is a relief to allow me to be grumpy. I know I will only be grumpy for a day or two:) Thanks for your comment and I wish you some great grumpy days!
Tina
I agree Rob, it is a great idea! And I think we will feel better by doing so. We need to think about what it is that makes us happy. For some reason we live as if we have to earn and accomplish something to be happy when happiness is an emotion that is inside us from the beginning. But we need time to find out what it is that makes us happy and a grumpy days or a week can help us. I appreciate your comment and thoughts!
Tina
Hi MM, I think so too! When I have my more introvert days I often observe people, strangers as well as close friends, around me. Although there are people with genuine smiles there are more people with stiff smiles without any feeling behind. It looks more like unhappy smiles! Very sad!
Thank you for the voting and the excellent, I appreciate it!
Tina
Also, a lot of people (still) confuse drinking alcohol with being happy ~ hence the "Happy Hour" in pubs/clubs where drinks could be bought at reduced prices.
And there was also smoking, I recall the advertising slogan "happiness is a cigar called Hamlet".
Lots of consumable items are advertised with the idea that they will make people happy.
Just another thought, thoughtforce :-)
Hi Rob, Great point! It seems that the drugs can provoke the same hormones that make us feel happy. But that is just in the beginning. If we continue to take drugs we know it will have the opposite effect. I guess it is the same with consuming. We are looking for external things to make us feel happy because we want to feel that great feeling of happiness so much. All this fit together and has become a way of living. How depressing! But I thank you for your great thoughts any way:)
Tina
I think that we should acknowledge that ALL our emotions make us who we are. To be happy would be the goal for most, although there are some who are indifferent to the world and their surroundings. I'm happy I read this!
Tina you make an excellent point about positive thinking not hindering other emotions which are natural. I read somewhere recently that when we cry it expels some kind of hormone that builds up in us and may cause all kind of health probs. Bottom line we should cry when we feel like it which can be hard for me and some other men, well, some women too, to do. Great article and we wouldn't have emotions like sadness, anger-the blues if there wasn't a reason for them.
Hi Tina,
This is indeed a great hub which I am sure will benefit many.
Thanks for sharing and I wish you a wonderful day.
Eddy.
Great hub and thanks for your wonderful ideas. I agree that in addition to positive thinking, we need to use our emotions to help solve whatever problem we are facing. The positive attitude is important because otherwise negative emotions will stand a great chance of getting in the way of progress. Voted up and useful.
A.A.Zavala, I am also happy since you liked this! Most of us want to be happy and we constantly search for it. That is why it is so easy to use positive thinking as a quick way to be happy. But positive thinking is so much more than a happy smile and we are so much more than happiness. Like you say, it is our emotions that make us who we are!
Thanks for reading and commenting
Tina
Hi Alastar, Yes I have heard that also and even if crying can be painful we often feel relaxed afterwards. So there is definitely need for other emotions as well as happiness. I know it can be hard for some people to cry and for some reason men are told not to cry. I find it hard to cry too, at least in public. I must be more or less alone or in my home with people I know if I should be able to cry.
It is always great to see you in my corner and I appreciate your comment Alastar,
Tina
Hi Eiddwen and thanks for your kind words! It is always great to see you and I wish you a great day too. It has been a great day in every way except the weather! The rain is pouring down and one storm after the other comes our way. But apart from that, everything is grest.
Take care Eiddwen,
Tina
Hi carol3san, it is nice to meet you! I am really a proponent for positive thinking and like you I believe in the use of both positive thinking and the other emotions. To feel really good inside and with our selves takes a bit of effort and some thinking and if we do it halfhearted we will not be feel happy. Thanks for your comment and your thoughts on this!
Tina
Very inspiring hub, Tina. I should control my emotions after reading this hub. Thanks for writing and share with us. I learn many things from you. Well done and rated up! Goodbye Angry.....
Love and peace, Prasetio
Hi Prasetio, I hope you don't stay angry for long and that you use all of your emotions in the best way! I so appreciate that you stopped by and leaving such an encouraging comment,
Best wishes to you, my friend,
Tina
Thank you very much, Tina. I always be patient especially to my student. Have a good day! :-)
Yes, that is what I thought Prasetio! You strike me as a kind man and you do your best for the students!
Tina
Votes up Tina. Very interesting perspective. It makes sense also. I love the crying eyes quote. True to all senses. It is important to have balance in life and this covers that. I have felt many negative emotions before, which I learned from and learned to cope with. I am much more balanced now. Great article Tina, you put some thought in it. I believe everything you say:)
Hi lyricwriter! It really takes some time to get some balance in life and in our emotions. Maybe we should focus more on learning how to be a human and how to handle our emotions when we grow up. Somehow it is taken for granted that we know how to use and control our feelings or we are supposed to learn by trial and error. Thank you so much for the uplifting comment and for your trust in me:)
Tina
Hi thougtforce, thanks for this very interesting and fact filled hub about emotions. We are human and sometimes can not always be positive thinkers all the time. We need to express our emotions to how we feel each day to have some kind of balance within our life.
Have a very awesome Christmas my friend !
Vote up !!!
Hi Tom, it is so good to see you again and I value your thoughts on this! We have come a long way as humans but I think we have forgotten the most important and live as if we are robots instead of humans! There is so little space for emotions these days where all that counts are wealth, success and power. I hope all is well with you and I wish you a wonderful Christmas!
Tina
Hi my dear friend Tina, it is so good to be able to see again, and leave comments on all my followers hubs. Check out my hub to find out more on why i can see now.
Thank you for letting me know! I have just been over and read your hub. I am so glad you can see again!
Tina
An amazing article and one I so thoroughly enjoyed. Your diverse hubs completely capture my imagination. This was awesome Tina and you should be SO proud. Voting up of course and pressing the appropriate buttons.
Hi aceatnna, Yes I am diverse in my topics! I have tried to find a niche but it is impossible so I guess my niche is to be diverse:) There is just too much to write about. Thank you so much for your warm-hearted comment and for your support!
Best wishes
Tina
"Positive thinking is more about the ability to see the opportunities instead of the obstacles and to take responsibility for our selves and what happen to us." - Again, beautifully written, as always actually. To see opportunities and not be overwhelmed by perceived obstacles in front of me is what I ought to be doing. I've always been weighed down by all this negative thinking. I've always thought that I do not have what it takes to become the person I've been dying to be. Had enough. It's about time to think and feel good :)
Hi kerlynb and good for you! It is fantastic when we come to that conclusion that now it is enough with trying to be somebody else. What a waste of time when we are so fantastic as we are. I wish you all the luck and know that you will succeed. Thanks for this positive comment and for your support!
Tina
Tina, what a well written article. I would really benefit from boosting my emotional well being during the winter. The colder and darker days usually are a precursor for me to stay inside. Your tips on how to become active and increase one's happiness are worth every penny. Thanks!
Hi cr00059n and thanks for the encouraging comment! The winter is a great time to take the time and increase our wellbeing and I hope you will do great! We must allow ourself to be humans, use all our emotions, as we are supposed to do! Thanks for reading and for the positive feedback!
Tina
Wow thoughtforce.. this is such an excellent hub. I have thought these things before, but I never thought of verbalizing them. Very impressive.
I think there is so much pressure on people.. especially women.. to promote a happy, bubbly, perfect personality. I think more harm comes from trying to act this way then if we could just "blow off steam." Very thought provoking!
Tammyswallow, I agree totally! There is a big pressure and no wonder, since we strive to be happy all the time. I am so grateful for this encouraging comment from you and it is good to know I am not alone with these feelings. Imagine how awful it would have felt if I was the only miserable human:) Thanks Tammy,
Tina
Very good hub on being 'us' with all the emotions having equal value.
If we were too walk around with a permanent smile or frown on our faces that would be considered 'abnormal' either way.
Every feeling has it's place and we should be assured we are still human, to have and experience these feelings.
Voted up
Hi Malometer, yes it would and it is abnormal! But I see so many people with stiff smiles, that look unnatural. It seems to be so much pressure on many people and we have been almost brainwashed with the message that if we just smile and tell ourselves we are happy we will feel it too. It is much better to be a bit angry and grumpy now and then so we feel the difference:)) Thanks for your visit and the comment malometer, I appreciate it very much,
Tina
We do lots of things, but at the end of the day what matters to us is happiness. How can we be happy is the he real question in our life. We can be happy when our mental and emotional level is in equilibrium.
Hi Vinaya Ghimire, it is great to see you! You are so right, we need to have our mental and emotional levels in equilibrium! That is the secret to happiness. Thanks for the fantastic summary, you managed to tell the message in the article with just one sentence! You have great insights,
Tina
Hi Tina, I am so behind with reading, and so glad I am finally in your corner. You could not have stressed this clearer: "Positive thinking doesn't mean that we can skip or block feelings like grief or anger."
I am boots and all on your page with this. But it is important for people to know how to handle negative emotions. One important rule not to be ignored I had in my home and still have, is nobody may steal another one's peace and joy while he is in a negative mood. Be sad, be angry, but consider everybody around you, whether they feel just like you or not. Don't make your problem theirs.
Voted up and awesome and a lesson to learn in the Building of Character and Personality.
Martie! We do need to handle negative emotions and I agree with you about the importance of consideration to others around us. We must not take out our negative feeling on others, but we have the right to feel anger and sadness in our home! We all have our bad days, and that is ok as long as we tell the others that it isn't their fault. Sometimes I feel so tired of all the happy faces and the chase for eternal happiness that I feel relive by people who can show their negative feelings and handle them too! It takes a bit of practice but it is doable, and since I was a kid who always was told to smile, I am still practicing:)
Thanks Martie, you always leave very thoughtful comments!
Tina
I agree that all emotions are a part of the human condition. When something sad happens to us, we feel sad and that's a healthy and normal reaction.
vespawoolf, I agree of course! We must use all our emotions in order to feel complete! Thanks for the supportive comment,
Tina
Tina, I can't believe this; I am also in the midst of writing a similar article. This was great. Thank you for bring to light that we need all of these emotions. That happyness can only be fleeting. We seem to be in this overly positive era, and your article kind of "allow" us to feel all the feelings, with out feeling guilty for it.
Excellent hub!
Hi albertsj! I couldn't have said it better, we do seem to be in an overly positive era and I think it has gone a bit to far from reality! I see it everywhere and to be negative or sad is almost forbidden! I just read your article and I loved it! Glad to hear there are other negative persons besides me:))
Thanks for reading and for the wonderful comment!
Tina
Tina, an interesting hub which really made me think! I reached a point recently where I realised I was not happy in a particular situation and I tried to get through it but couldn't and I am one of the most positive thinking, happy people you are likely to meet. As a result I am soon changing my life and ridding myself of the unhappiness and hopefully, I will be happier with the new arrangements - positive thinking took me so far but not far enough, only I could affect this change.
Voted up and shared.
I do not use my other emotions as I keep them locked away for the safety of other around me.
others around me.
Hi Jools! I have tried to use positive thoughts to solve my problems too and I am all for positive thinking! But sometimes we need other ways to solve our problems. I really hope that everything turns out well for you and I know that you will make all the right decisions for you. Thanks for the sincere comment and I will be thinking of you!
Best wishes
Tina
Hi Ophi! It is very important that we do not take out our anger and anxiety on others just because they happen to be there and even if we have the right to be upset with someone who has done us wrong we must always use our feelings with moderation. But personally, I think it is wrong to lock in emotions and it will in the end make us feel less alive. At least it is so in my case and I have had problems with showing anger or sadness all my life, up until now. Thanks for the thoughtful comment and I respect you for your concern about others.
Best regards
Tina
Just Ask Susan Level 8 Commenter 5 months ago
Tina, Excellent article. I've always said if we didn't experience sadness, loss, being angry and mad and even depressed, then we couldn't be able to appreciative or know what the feeling of happiness or joy was.